One good Daddy

It has been painfully long since I've written here, but I've been going through a real season of transition and really figuring out who I am in Christ. Since submitting some difficult things in my life to Him, I see more clearly the things He is trying to teach me and life just seems so much more saturated with beauty now that I know I am walking in His will.

Today was Father's Day and I had the pleasure of spending quality time with both of my dads. So I felt like even though I know he will probably never read this, I just had to sing the praises of my earthly father. Although He doesn't yet know the Lord, He is such a perfect example of the way God loves me. Today I was flooded with wonderful memories of ways that he has just loved me relentlessly and sacrificed for me. Two particular times come to mind that always bring a smile to my face...
This one time, I was staying at my friends house for a number of nights and hadn't been home to see my parents in days. I was in the neighborhood so I called my dad to meet him for a quick hug before I headed back to my friends house. So I met him just by the onramp to the highway and to this day I wish I had asked my friend in the car to take a video... As I pulled in about 20 feet from my dad's truck, I saw his face light up and just beam with adoration as he jumped out of his truck and ran to the front of it... He began to wave his arms and was shaking at the knees with world's biggest smile just for me... Just for one hug. As I ran towards him, he was literally in tears as he jumped up and down like a four year old at Disney World for the first time. He held me so tight and didn't let go. My daddy loves me. I can't wait until the day he comes to know Jesus so I can thank him for the incredible, tangible example he has been of Christ's love in my life.
A few months ago I was in a rush to hit the road (probably running late for something) and I was scrambling to get out of the house. I was taking my mom's vehicle because it was raining and I would be taking the highway for an hour to reach my destination. My dad always sits with me while I do my make-up in my room, and as I was running around the house gathering my purse and all my last minute goodies, dad disappears outside, when I finally made it to the front door, I meet my dad coming in... He had carried all of my bags out to the truck in the pouring rain, in his sock feet. This was probably March or April, so we're not talking a nice summer sprinkle, it was a downpour, but he didn't care, he did it without a second though. He has taught me what sacrifice for others looks like, and has set a high, high standard for the man who plans to spend their life with me.

Much like my last post, I have no real destination or route planned out for what I want to say. I've just had such a rush of realization in my heart for my need to serve the Lord. Tonight as I was cleaning my room, my iTunes was on shuffle and Diamond by Amanda Falk came on. I had never heard this song before, but have you ever felt like a certain song was written just for you?
This was God's love song to me today.

luxury wasted, beauty untasted

gold undiscovered in a wasteland of lovers

used and abandoned, traded and unwanted

hidden and haunted

she's a diamond in the rough

a diamond in the rough

how do you say goodbye

to everything you know?

how do you leave behind

what holds on to you the most?

she's cold and she's dated

and all hope is faded

where can she turn and where can she go

nobody sees and nobody knows

so she sits and she waits in the dark and the cold

a diamond in the rough

I've had so many conversations lately that have really caused me to reflect back and see all the way God has changed my heart and my mind, and the way He so gently wrote my redemption story. It's still so cool to look back at the way my life used to be, and the way God has transformed my whole heart and shaped it more like His own. I mean, there are things that you just know are God.. Because my selfish heart would never do away with some of the things I gave up to follow Him, all glory to God for that.

I don't know everything, but these are the things I know for sure, and they have proven TRUE in my life...
If you are questioning following Christ, pursue Him relentlessly. Don't know what that looks like? Neither did I. I met Jesus in a canteen at a golf club all by myself. I became addicted to reading my Bible while hiding in my room from my friends and parents. I lost friends, and made enemies, but I promise you no human would give up a life for something less satisfying than the one they walked away from... FAITH became more than a word to me, it became a life style.

1) He keeps His promises, this I know.

2) His Word is TRUE, do not test it with sin. What God says goes, period.


To live is Christ and to die is gain - Philippians 1:21

I love the way you love me, Jesus

Since I've made the choice to walk boldly in my faith and stay rooted in what I believe, I’ve had reactions from both ends of the spectrum. People will either think I am pretending/faking or going through some spiritual phase, and then I have the people that come to me out of curiosity about this big faith. So I wanted to share a bit about what it was like for me personally to meet Jesus, and some transitions I went through along the way.

I know it has been assumed (even by people close to me) that me becoming “religious” was to please my boyfriend at the time. I want to stop right there and just clarify how bonkers that word drives me. It’s such a stiff, dusty, uncomfortable word. Religion goes one way; it’s what people do to TRY to please God. But when you come into a personal relationship with your Father, religion just can’t touch that feeling.

When I first began to read my Bible, I was hooked instantly. Five chapters into the book I began reading (Matthew), I was completely hooked. I knew there was something different about this. I started reading all alone in a small canteen during a summer job, unaware of what I would find.

By this time, I was surrounded by a very small group of Christians and an incredible family who loved the Lord. When I read my Bible, haha, I genuinely thought I’d flip the page and it would say JUST KIDDING! on it. This felt too good to be true. These people were so full of joy, and found happiness in the midst of sorrow. I thought it was a huge joke; Jesus was unlike anything I’d ever experienced; which I guess is why I serve Him... Who would you serve and love a God that you can find the same satisfaction elsewhere?

When I began to get to know God’s character more and more, I could actually feel Him with me. How crazy is that?! I couldn’t quite grasp this at first, which led me to be... Well, a little emotional. I was so on fire to tell people about how incredible Jesus was, even though I hardly knew about Him, that it was sometimes hard to put what I was feeling into words, since I didn’t have much knowledge about Him or His works under my belt. This was just enough for my family and friends to notice a definite change in me.

By the time I moved back to Fredericton for my second year at university, I was living life on the fence. I was really falling in love with Jesus but I was also trying to keep on foot in the world (partying, etc.). I remember feeling kind of estranged moving back because my heart felt changed. I was still shy about expressing my faith and was often reprimanded for acting differently (not drinking for example). Living on the fence didn’t last long, however. I had previously made the decision to stop drinking because I felt personally convicted by God. I mean, how am I going to proclaim Jesus for all He’s done in me and still act the same as I always did?! So although I wasn’t drinking, I was still flirting with the party scene. One night in particular, my roommates and I went to the bar. From the time we left the house, I felt so out of place, even my outfit was making me feel so uncomfortable and inappropriate. Once we were in the bar for a little while, a guy I knew from school came up to me and said,

“HEY how come you’re at the bar? Aren’t you supposed to be all religious now?”

Yes, thank you intoxicated classmate, you’re absolutely right.

Although I wasn’t drinking, I still looked like the rest of the people at the bar; wearing a little skimpy outfit, and dancing around. I still looked like the world did.

What a conviction that was! God used that guy to change my heart. I need to stand out. Jesus was a rebel of His time, and all I want is to walk like Him, so that’s what I did.

Weeks after moving in with some best friends, differences in the house were so tense I decided to move out. This created a monumental rift in many many friendships on campus, and a huge turning point in my faith.

I went against everything I knew just to follow a God I had just met; this was soo scary!! Somehow, I had an abnormal peace about just losing all my best friends and walking around campus with a gossip target on my forehead.

I lived alone in residence with about 1.5 friends haha, but it was incredible. At this point, God was really all I had, so I pursued Him relentlessly. His grace was tangible at this point. I walked out my faith, just like I was called to do. This was where I really began to grasp His love for me.
God’s greatest glory isn’t in lightening our load, it is in completely setting us free. (See John 10:10)

The remarkable thing at this point in my life was that I got to see God do some crazy things in my life. I got to go on a mission trip and serve people in a developing country; we worked with children in schools, visited and donated to medical clinics, and built a house. I got to see how great faith can be when it is all you have, and that was amazing. I even made a life long friend out of a very unlikely person.

Saying we weren’t friends would have been doing our situation justice, but this girl saw something in me that I saw in that small group of Christians at the beginning of my journey. This is where I knew God had invaded my heart. She asked me why I was so happy even though I had no friends, haha. I got to share Jesus with this girl. And soon after, I got to see her grow in her faith, just like I did, and pursue her Savior with a burning desire.

Over the past few months, God’s really began to repair some friendships from my past that I was sure I’d lost through all this. His timing is perfect and miraculous, although it's not always easy handing everything you know over to thin air, you see time and time again it is so worth it, He knows better.


I guess I am just writing this to make a small attempt to show what Jesus has done in my life. I’m just so thankful that one person took a step out in faith to tell me about Him that all I want to do is the same for you. 

The Father's Love Letter

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you. 
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. 
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. 
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. 
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. 
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. 
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. 
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. 
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book. 
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. 
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. 
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. 
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love. 
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father. 
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. 
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. 
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. 
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. 
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. 
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. 
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. 
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. 
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. 
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul. 
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. 
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me. 
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart. 
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. 
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine. 
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles. 
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. 
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart. 
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes. 
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. 
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. 
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you. 
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you. 
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love. 
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me. 
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child? 
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. 
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

The Woman at the Well

     I've been so inspired by the Word lately that I wanted make a feeble attempt at blogging. I feel prompted to share a little bit about this chapter in the Bible and how it has affected my life. God's spoken so softly over me with this chapter time and time again as it so closely parallels my coming to faith.

John 4 

     This story talks about a woman who unsuspectedly comes face to face with her Savior; where He floods her with compassion and mercy.

     First off, it is incredible enough for Jesus (a Jew) to speak to a Samaritan at all, let alone a Samaritan woman. This particular woman was full of shame and sin; she was a promiscuous woman and an object of ridicule in her village. She went to the well to get water at the hottest part of the day (noontime; verse 4:6) to avoid crowds of mockery and humiliation. Jesus left His disciples early and went out of His way to meet with this woman. 

     In verse 16, Jesus begins to reveal that He intimately knows every detail of this woman's life. She feels no shame in His presence and is so eager to know more about who He is. He shows her kindness and love, in a way she has never experienced before. It's when she acknowledges Him as Lord that comes my favorite, seemingly pointless verse...

"The woman left her water jar beside the well and ran back to the village, telling everyone"...

John 4:28

     I can't help but overflow with admiration when I read this verse. It is so profound. 

     

I shared this verse as a part of my testimony when I was on a missions trip in Dominican last year. 

     You see, this verse corresponds so excellently with the major turning point of my faith. When I read this story, all I see in this verse is that her excitement in Christ made her forget things in life that used to matter. 

     Once she met Jesus, the water she had traveled a great distance in sweltering sun for meant nothing anymore. She left behind the most important things for the promise of new life.

     Others looked in from the outside (verse 27) and were confused about this peculiar acquaintance, and wondered why Jesus cared about this woman so much. 

Over the past year and a half,  I have had to let go of things in my life that were so dear to me 

... and so so painful to leave behind. 

My world was turned upside down.

  But when you come face to face with your Savior, everything else that used to matter simply 

      f a d e s  a w a y    . . . . 

     

     If not for His gentleness and unceasing presence in my life, these losses would have been tragic to me. And not to say that I didn't experience great suffering and heartache during this particular season in my life. Faith in Christ makes things possible, not easy. 

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. (James 1:3)