I know it has been assumed (even by people close to me) that me becoming “religious” was to please my boyfriend at the time. I want to stop right there and just clarify how bonkers that word drives me. It’s such a stiff, dusty, uncomfortable word. Religion goes one way; it’s what people do to TRY to please God. But when you come into a personal relationship with your Father, religion just can’t touch that feeling.
When I first began to read my Bible, I was hooked instantly. Five chapters into the book I began reading (Matthew), I was completely hooked. I knew there was something different about this. I started reading all alone in a small canteen during a summer job, unaware of what I would find.
By this time, I was surrounded by a very small group of Christians and an incredible family who loved the Lord. When I read my Bible, haha, I genuinely thought I’d flip the page and it would say JUST KIDDING! on it. This felt too good to be true. These people were so full of joy, and found happiness in the midst of sorrow. I thought it was a huge joke; Jesus was unlike anything I’d ever experienced; which I guess is why I serve Him... Who would you serve and love a God that you can find the same satisfaction elsewhere?
When I began to get to know God’s character more and more, I could actually feel Him with me. How crazy is that?! I couldn’t quite grasp this at first, which led me to be... Well, a little emotional. I was so on fire to tell people about how incredible Jesus was, even though I hardly knew about Him, that it was sometimes hard to put what I was feeling into words, since I didn’t have much knowledge about Him or His works under my belt. This was just enough for my family and friends to notice a definite change in me.
By the time I moved back to Fredericton for my second year at university, I was living life on the fence. I was really falling in love with Jesus but I was also trying to keep on foot in the world (partying, etc.). I remember feeling kind of estranged moving back because my heart felt changed. I was still shy about expressing my faith and was often reprimanded for acting differently (not drinking for example). Living on the fence didn’t last long, however. I had previously made the decision to stop drinking because I felt personally convicted by God. I mean, how am I going to proclaim Jesus for all He’s done in me and still act the same as I always did?! So although I wasn’t drinking, I was still flirting with the party scene. One night in particular, my roommates and I went to the bar. From the time we left the house, I felt so out of place, even my outfit was making me feel so uncomfortable and inappropriate. Once we were in the bar for a little while, a guy I knew from school came up to me and said,
“HEY how come you’re at the bar? Aren’t you supposed to be all religious now?”
Yes, thank you intoxicated classmate, you’re absolutely right.
Although I wasn’t drinking, I still looked like the rest of the people at the bar; wearing a little skimpy outfit, and dancing around. I still looked like the world did.
What a conviction that was! God used that guy to change my heart. I need to stand out. Jesus was a rebel of His time, and all I want is to walk like Him, so that’s what I did.
Weeks after moving in with some best friends, differences in the house were so tense I decided to move out. This created a monumental rift in many many friendships on campus, and a huge turning point in my faith.
I went against everything I knew just to follow a God I had just met; this was soo scary!! Somehow, I had an abnormal peace about just losing all my best friends and walking around campus with a gossip target on my forehead.
I lived alone in residence with about 1.5 friends haha, but it was incredible. At this point, God was really all I had, so I pursued Him relentlessly. His grace was tangible at this point. I walked out my faith, just like I was called to do. This was where I really began to grasp His love for me.
God’s greatest glory isn’t in lightening our load, it is in completely setting us free. (See John 10:10)
God’s greatest glory isn’t in lightening our load, it is in completely setting us free. (See John 10:10)
The remarkable thing at this point in my life was that I got to see God do some crazy things in my life. I got to go on a mission trip and serve people in a developing country; we worked with children in schools, visited and donated to medical clinics, and built a house. I got to see how great faith can be when it is all you have, and that was amazing. I even made a life long friend out of a very unlikely person.
Saying we weren’t friends would have been doing our situation justice, but this girl saw something in me that I saw in that small group of Christians at the beginning of my journey. This is where I knew God had invaded my heart. She asked me why I was so happy even though I had no friends, haha. I got to share Jesus with this girl. And soon after, I got to see her grow in her faith, just like I did, and pursue her Savior with a burning desire.
Over the past few months, God’s really began to repair some friendships from my past that I was sure I’d lost through all this. His timing is perfect and miraculous, although it's not always easy handing everything you know over to thin air, you see time and time again it is so worth it, He knows better.
I guess I am just writing this to make a small attempt to show what Jesus has done in my life. I’m just so thankful that one person took a step out in faith to tell me about Him that all I want to do is the same for you.
I guess I am just writing this to make a small attempt to show what Jesus has done in my life. I’m just so thankful that one person took a step out in faith to tell me about Him that all I want to do is the same for you.
